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        1. 文章故事
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          當前位置:文章故事>搞笑文章>幽默笑話>文章內容 經典美文欣賞

          笑一笑,十年少

          作者:郭郭郭同學 來源:會員推薦 時間:2013-06-08 10:41 閱讀:

            1、上夜班回來,在一樓停車,聽見屋里有一小屁孩哭鬧不停,他媽媽就騙他說外面有鬼。本著助人為樂的精神,我恐怖的嚎了一嗓子,結果……里面倆人都哭了

            2、唐僧:“悟空你聽我說,最近悟凈的行為很奇怪。為師多說了他兩句,他就一言不發走開,然后躺進小白龍的食槽里。”悟空:“沙師弟不善言辭,他應該是在用行動表達對您的不滿。”“什么意思?”“臥槽!”

            3、男A:我的血型是B型的,我老婆的血型也是B型的,生了個小孩。男B:孩子不會是2B型的吧。

            4、現在有些姑娘都喜歡把“我”打成“莪”好像是在暗示點什么…………。

            5、走過一處網吧的時候正好趕上JC突擊隊檢查未成年人上網問題。幾個小伙子被叫出來排成一隊,當JC問到一個平頭小伙兒的時候,我恰巧走過。于是聽到對話如下。“職業?”“法師。”我用無比崇敬的目光看了他一眼,默默地為他祈禱!

            6、你相信學生時代談戀愛可以一口氣談到民政局去嗎?答:一口氣談到醫院的比較多。

            7、聽到一個說法,和妹子相處,要義就是: 若她涉世未深,就帶她看盡人間繁華,若她心已滄桑,就帶她坐旋轉木馬。神回復:和男人相處,要義就是:若他情竇初開,你就寬衣解帶;若他閱人無數,你就灶邊爐臺。

            8、據說女人就像雞蛋、外表很硬、很矜持、再往里很清純、內心很黃…………

            9、哥們A去彩票中心買彩票,看見哥們B坐在門口,就問:這不是***麼,咋在這坐著呢?哥們B揉了揉眼睛,瞅著哥們A好一會才憋出幾個字:我中了……有點暈,歇會……哥們A:哇,中了多少啊,激動成這樣?難不成中500萬了?又好一會,哥們B幽幽地憋出幾個字:我中暑……在這歇會……哥們A:囧rz……

            10、一屌絲暗戀某女神。今天他上公廁出來準備洗手,看到她也在洗手。于是準備上前搭上兩句,從她背后經過的時候,她轉過頭來沖他一笑。屌絲一時情急,竟不知道說什么好。脫口而出:“你也尿手上了?”

            11、來學校沒帶鋪蓋,借同班一個哥們的被子用了幾天。結果來大姨媽,蹭上去好多。于是想周末帶回家洗了還給他。周末那天痛經,一直流著眼淚沒力氣,于是我又找他幫忙拿著去坐車。正巧那男同學他爸來學校看他,結果看到他領著一眼淚汪汪的姑娘,還抱著帶血跡的床單。氣的直接就一腳把他踹翻在地……

            12、從小到大,升旗時注意力不是在國旗上,而是看看國歌奏完時,國旗是不是正好停在桿頂……

            13、前天,一妹子問我:SM是什么意思啊?為了維護我的形象,我告訴她:是失眠的意思!昨天,發現妹子換了新簽名:最近經常SM,太痛苦了!不過熬到天亮就行了。今天,她和我絕交了!

            14、在酒店吃飯,我席間內急,服務員熱情地說;我們酒店沒有衛生間,你可以去對面公廁,我們和他們有約定,到那你就說你是“吃飯的”! ……

            15、高三時一次上課,老師在上面講的是滔滔不絕,班長在下面昏昏欲睡。他同桌趁老師不注意,在班長耳朵旁小聲說了句“下課”。這貨瞬間跟打了雞血一樣,猛的站起來大喊:“起立!”結果后面一排居然有四個心不在焉的同學幽幽的站起來喊:“老師再見!”

            16、今天和老外打斯諾克,被虐的不行,老外還一口一個NB的夸我,說的我不好意思。回來后細想他表情不像是夸我的,查一下總算長見識了。newbie(菜鳥)…………。

            17、我剛考了駕照,借了朋友的汽車深夜第一次練車,很緊張,開著開著就聽咣當一聲,嚇壞了,下車一看一個大配件掉了,趕緊給搬了車上就開回去了,過了兩天我又去借車,那哥們很生氣的對我說:“老弟你真行啊,太不地道了,開著我的車去偷井蓋,你想害死我啊?”

            18、和朋友浴場洗澡,朋友想搓澡……沒找到搓澡師傅。就扯著嗓子喊了句:有沒有搓澡的?池子里一大叔答到:小伙子,給我搓搓。


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