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        1. 文章故事
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          當前位置:文章故事>搞笑文章>幽默笑話>文章內容 經典美文欣賞

          屌絲的生活

          作者:意中人 來源:會員推薦 時間:2013-04-20 17:32 閱讀:

          A男當年和B女交往,怕她家人不同意.
          B女騙家人說交往一高富帥,略花心,對結婚沒興趣不見家長.
          而A男常去找B女,B女演戲欺負他,父母問何人,B女答:備胎,老實人.
          半年后,B女又演一出被高富帥拋棄,傷心欲絕男人沒好東西.
          父母安慰:其實那備胎人蠻好的…
          最后A男娶到了B女……


          一對青年男女在公園約會時,女孩特別想放屁,她想了個辦法。
          女:你聽過布谷鳥叫嗎?
          男:沒聽過。女:我給你學,布(放屁聲)谷(口中發出的聲音)。
          學了幾聲后,該放的也已放完。
          女:聽清了嗎?
          男:放屁聲太大,沒聽清。


          今天花了一百五十塊錢剪了一個很抽象的頭。
          回寢室后遭到幾個室友強力批判!
          這時候一旁沉默許久的一同學總結說:“這發型性價比很高!
          才花一百五,剪了個二百五的頭。


          結婚不久,老婆認真地問我:“你說咱們家誰是一家之主?”我馬上不假思索地回答:“這還用問?當然是老婆大人您啦!”老婆笑笑,又問:“那你算什么呢?”我想了想說:“我的地位比您這個一家之主差一點兒。”老婆突然大叫起起:“差一點兒是什么意思?難道你想當一家之王?”


          朋友租房到期,中介檢查的時候說有一個門上有3個洞,一個洞需要扣100塊錢。他問:“確定一個洞100塊錢嗎?“中介說:“確定!”只見他拿起菜刀咔嚓咔嚓把三個洞連成了一個,回頭對中介說:“能省二百就省二百吧。”
          一男子正為女朋友的事悶悶不樂。朋友問道:“哥們怎么了?女朋友出啥事了?”
          男子抱怨道:“哎,我都吃了10多片避孕藥了,為什么女朋友還是懷孕了?”

          乘務員:“先生,飛機馬上起飛了,請把手機關掉,好嗎?”
          乘客:“我開的飛行模式。”
          乘務員:“對不起先生,現在山寨手機也很多,我們很難保證每個手機都是符合標準的!”
          乘客大怒,“你說啥?你說俺手機山寨的?老子是蘋果的!三卡三待呢!不識貨別跟老子吵!”

          十歲的妹妹拿了一包鍋巴在院子里吃得津津有味。五歲的弟弟在旁邊眼巴巴地看著,想吃又不好意思說,就說:“讓我嘗嘗脆不脆。”我想這小屁孩還挺含蓄的,這時經典的一幕出現了。妹妹拿了一片放嘴里,說:“你聽聽。”

          一天晚上在家里上網,旺旺突然跳了出來窗口來對我說:“親,我懷孕了”哥頓時一驚,心說自己沒闖什么禍吧?
          正發愣,那人又說:“明天去醫院檢查。”心想你丫到底是誰,難道還要我陪你去檢查,想訛我不成?正琢磨著,那人又說:“只能后天給你發貨了”。

          一個帶狗的男人氣勢洶洶地對寵物商店的老板說:“你把這條狗賣給我看門,昨天晚上小偷進我家偷了我300元錢,可這條狗連吭都沒有吭一聲!”
          老板翻翻白眼:“這條狗以前的主人是千萬富翁,這300塊錢它根本不放在眼里。”


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